We all know that we have a larger overweight population now. I’m sure it has nothing to do with all of our unhealthy food choices or that healthy food is not easily accessible, tasty or inexpensive. I’m sure it also has nothing to do with the fact that physical education has been reduced in schools and that video games and televisions have been put in our kid’s rooms and not restricted. With all of the demands on working parents, who has time to think about cooking healthy meals over the stove or watching over their kids as they play outside? It may seem like I’m making excuses, but these are simply reasons that help to create a population full of vices that are more convenient than healthy.

There is the argument against Obama’s case that states that putting young children on diet’s could be harmful to their self-esteem and that is exactly what leads to eating disorders and complexes concerning body image. So what’s worse, overweight children or children that are obsessed with weight who also suffer negative emotional and physical consequences?

I can’t argue with the fact that America is bigger than ever. At the pool last summer, I recognized many children that seemed to be overweight and it seems the clothing departments for plus sizes keep expanding also. There is no doubt that we as Americans and our children are getting larger. The only question is if we should work to change it and if so, how?

I’m sure the number of times I’ve cried in front of my children could be counted on one hand. As their mother who wants to allow them to be children for as long as they can, I want to shield them from real life situations. But does this help or hurt them as they grow and will also eventually face the same difficulties and challenges? Isn’t it our lack of communication with our children what prevents them from understanding us and therefore they harbor feelings of guilt and insecurity? In the end, there’s no way to truly protect your children from real life, because no matter how hard we may try to hide the things in life that we experience from our children, they will feel what we feel to a large degree.

Fortunately my children are finally at an age, where I feel I can take back some type of power by talking to them about circumstances. I feel more able to let down my guard, my super mom mask and show them life’s imperfections as well as my own. I can help them cope by helping them understand that there’s nothing wrong with crying and being weak sometimes. It just means that I am human, so are they and that things will still be okay. It’s part of what we all experience as humans. Ultimately I am no different then they are, only I just happen to be in a larger body and seem to carry more weight. However some of that seems to come off when I can connect with them by talking to them and for them know who I really am by what I think and feel…good, bad and/or indifferent.

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There become all types of concerns when these diagnosis’ are reported to insurance companies and documented. Will these diagnosis’ be some type of permanent black mark on your child’s record? The DNA often have a name attached to them and are used for scientific research. So what are a parent’s and a babies’ rights in these matters. Currently there are only a few states who have some type of consent forms, otherwise you would basically have to write to your state officials to advise them to destroy your child’s DNA. Hmmmm.

Another ignorance of mine was that it was a kid’s movie. While I didn’t take my kids, there were some chaps in the rows behind us. After seeing it, the answer was that no, this was not a kid’s movie. I wouldn’t be totally opposed to my children seeing it, however there was a fair amount of cursing and a “mating” scene that was a little intense. Also the content of the movie was geared more for adults and was one that I would probably need to see a few more times to really get the whole understanding. I would say it is a great family movie if you have older teens to take. It explores all types of possibilities of life as well as gives a great message of hope and truth in life. If we get lucky, they may do a sequel. They said this one took almost 5 years to make, so it’ll probably be awhile!

When a boy batters a girl, they are usually immediately reprimanded, yet when women take out aggression or anger on a boy physically, it is somehow more accepted. If the roles of the two teens on Sixteen and Pregnant had been reversed and we would have watched a boy slam a girl up against the wall, cops would’ve been called and he would have been arrested. There are people that blame the victim (whether male or female) and say that they should leave the relationship or the situation. However what if leaving is not a realistic or a desirable option for them? What if they do need to learn how to respect each other and live together peacefully?

Let’s face it, in some homes when children are both sharing the same space 24/7, they get in each other’s ways, overstep boundaries and simply step on each other’s toes. Unfortunately, the initial reaction can be to respond with a hit or a kick rather than leaving the room or removing themselves from the situation. Then it becomes a “who started it first?”. As a parent, you can’t stand over your children to make sure that if someone’s toes have been stepped on, you are armed and ready to teach them the proper method of removing themselves from the situation and how they should handle it according to Dr. Phil, Nanny 911 or whomever. So before you know it, a fight has insued and often you will see one chasing after the other and some type of chaos. Fortunately with mine, after several laps of chasing, they usually end up laughing and having so much fun that they have forgot why they were so angry and after the other in the first place.

I think that to watch your children or any person being hit or victimized, whether it is male, female or your children or not, is hard to see. But there have been times as a parent where I will allow them to work it out even if that means with a bite, scratch or hair pull. If one looks like they might really hurt the other, I’ll step in but there’s not enough time in the day to play referree for every squabble. However recently the dynamics and the fights with my twins have changed. My daughter, though female has always been bigger than my son. Therefore, in most fights he is the underdog who I have to worry about her hurting him.

I’m not sure where all of this changed, what movie my son saw or game he played, but one weekend my son happened to believe that he had become some type of ninja fighter. He kept bouncing, kicking and punching through the air showing all of us his new fighting techniques. I knew this would not be good for his sister. So when a typical fight over something insued, I began to see this anger in him that I had never seen before and for the first time ever, I had to step in to save my daughter. While there was definitely a call to his father to let him know what had went on and for my son to be reprimanded, there was also a little “peace” of victory that I felt for him. He would no longer be bullied by his sister who just happened to be heavier and physically stronger than he was. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember a fight that has happened since between the two of them.

So when it comes to the saying of “it’s never okay to hit a girl” I say that there are many of us girls out there that can handle it and sometimes even need it. I happened to be a pretty tough girl growing up who suffered black eyes at the hands of a boy (he happened to be a very nice boy I might add) with a sling shot and somehow I survived that rock fight as well as many of the others that followed. It’s not always the girl who is the victim. We might even be the instigator or the perputrator. I want my sons to know that if there isn’t anyone else there to help or save you, self defense and even maybe fighting back might just be what the doctor ordered.

First note is actually a tad parent related. For the past almost two years now, my mother has been battling with an illness that started as diverticulitis and has ventured into five majory surgeries and the possibility of having her colon removed. It has been a very painful and draining experience for her, myself and my family, however I view it as one of those necessary evils in life that definitely puts you in your place and things into perspective. When facing death, it is the small things that matter the most. I transported her from the hospital back to her nursing home on New Year’s Eve (a.k.a. NYE which I learned on facebook chat) and we were able to drive through a nice neighborhood with beautiful lights and we thoroughly enjoyed it…the time and the lights. She also had me swing by her house so that she could just look at it for a moment even though it was dark and hard to see.

Whether it was a moment for her to be encouraged to return home soon or for her to say good-bye to it at this point, I’m not sure. She’s back in ICU as of a few days ago and it’s been a really long and hard battle for her. I’ve never seen anyone as courageous in her suffering. I love her dearly and want her to be here, but after almost two years of watching someone you love that much suffer, you make peace with possibility of death. I know we will all be okay no matter what her outcome is.

On a lighter entertainment note this week, I watched the season premiere of The Bachelor on ABC and I must say it was as entertaining as ever! As cheesy as Jake comes off, obviously there are many women that find him to be the catch of the century with his boyish and innocent charm. He’s not my typical style, but I admit he is a hottie. I don’t know who is worse, these women who seem to be willing to give their first born away to be the last one standing or the people out there watching it like myself?!

Then there is Mariah Carey who has made the headlines with her weird behavior and acceptance speeches at some award shows recently. Is this really news that Mariah Carey lives on her own planet? I remember a picture of her where she had dressed herself and her dog in matching ski outfits. Oh, and let’s not forget MTV cribs where she puts on lingerie and gets in her tub?

There was the “nervous breakdown” a.k.a. MiMi can’t handle when a movie called “Glitter” flops at the box office. There is some point in which we have to know that every star out there is going to hate and not know what to do with the same fame that they desperately searched for. Hope this isn’t the beginning to another downward spiral for her. MiMi (if that’s still your name), just keep looking pretty, dressing your dogs and marrying boy toys and you will be just fine. Stay away from the serious roles without the make-up. They really, really don’t suit you.

I took a poll that sort of surprised me. I wasn’t a huge fan of her short style before, but I got it. It was I’m a mom, but I still have some edge. But the fact that the pole showed people liking her weave better sort of surprised me. Let’s just put it this way, I don’t. I find it scary and too similar to Britney Spears crazy extensions. I’ve never had extentions and maybe if they are done where they don’t scream “extensions!” then I wouldn’t have a problem with them. But otherwise, they just look like some of the dolls my daughter got for Christmas that you just clip in extra hair on the head here and there. And she paid how much for them? Reportedly around 5k! Am I the only one asking what the hell is going on here?

I can’t fault her for trying to do something for herself and working on building her own brand with the focus more on her than Jon and her children. But maybe that was what contributed to her divorce in the first place? It probably would have worked out much better had she done that first before she got married and had children. It’s unfortunate when we get it all backwards. I guess now the doors are wide open to her, but I still think I personally liked her better as a mom and don’t think I’ll be tuning in to TLC’s “The Kate” show.

Then there is the couple that have a pending wedding who live together (until the end of this episode). This is the typical scenario of girl getting pregnant and being ready for responsibility overnight and boy that wants no part in that. Boy took girls virginity and loved girl until girl started needing more from boy than boy was ready or able to give.

I think these two love birds met on a dirt track, but unfortunately baby boy can’t go dirt bike riding…yet. He leaves to go out of town for a month and comes back to barely greet his fiance and new baby boy. To top it all off, he obviously hasn’t looked forward to coming home to her and new child, but to be “free” while piled up in a car with a group of buddies who are going out to look for “fun” in the club. Didn’t he figure out how he got baby in the first place? After a night of him not coming home, she takes off her ring and heads for the hills back to her parents. She thinks she’ll be able to somehow find someone else for herself, but struggles with the idea of finding that for her son. What a pickle.

Last but not least is the couple who seem to love each other but who are also crumbling due to the stress of new baby. Like the previous couple, the girl seems to be making most of the changes including staying at home full-time while the boy seems to be relieved to school, his job or whatever it is he’s doing to get him out of the house and away from her break downs. She soon realizes even going out to eat with a friend is nearly impossible. She has her friend hold the baby while she eats and has another screaming breakdown while her daughter cries on the way home. Her anxiety and stress are at an all time high leading to medication to help calm her down and curb her depression. It doesn’t however stop her from crying in front of a career counselor who is trying to provide her with options for continuing her education. Later that day she returns home to her boyfriend laughing on the couch with his guy friends when she is searching for emotional support from him. After the disappoinment she goes in the other room, curls up with the baby and gives herself the pep talk and support she needs.

So there you have it, real life, baby style. MTV was the first to provide us reality television with “The Real World” and now they are documenting one of the most stigmatized, challenging and least talked lifestyle choices that teens face. It shows the real consequences of unprotected sex and what having a baby for young people is really like. It takes relational conflict and stress to a whole new level with a few oooh and agh’s here and there from the cute little bundles. It definitely gives a good definition and respect to parenthood in general, while hopefully making young people think twice about making adult decisions. Future episodes look like they are definitely going to continue the awakening

The first situation is one girl who has the mother that has is controlling and painfully loving. The new teen mom hopes to maintain a “functional” balance in her life while still taking care of her daughter. Her sister is constantly judging her in her role as a mother and even though she wants to still have a social life, she can’t help but feel awkward at a football game with a new baby when she had just recently been a cheerleader there. Her mother complains and whines telling her what to do, however still enables her daughter to go out, and meet other guys. Where’s this chic’s dad at? I think I saw him a few times sitting in fear waiting on claws to come out between his wife and two daughters at any time.

Next is the couple that put their child up for adoption. There are different types of adoptions with all types of restrictions and regulations, and I’m unclear of what theirs are. Actually I don’t think they are any clearer than I am. They didn’t have parents that were supportive in their decision so it looks like the only person they communicate with is the adoption agencies rep who looks a little scared in dealing with these two lost teens. They go out to get semi-matching baby tattoo’s to show their love for their daughter and then off to the beach to show them to their friends. Their intention with the adoption was to give their daughter a better chance in life then they had, however with their unwillingness to let go and move on, I wonder if they weren’t just doing it out of anger towards their parents who seem less than perfect themselves. While the adoptive parents did seem open to allowing them to know their child in some capacity, I doubt they are ready for the teens to show up on their door steps. In the teens minds, they see their daughter a still their child. Maybe this is when open adoption’s aren’t such a good idea? Is there therapy available for these teens after such a traumatic ordeal? Is their denial the only thing that is keeping them in tact? It’s good that they have each other for support, but it seems they have a hard long road ahead of them.

I’ll complete this post in a few days when I wrap up with the last two teen pregnancy situations. Here’s a link to my original post when the teens were pregnant. Sixteen and Pregnant

One of the things that I’m most proud of concerning my capabilities as a parent (and I assure that there are many that I’m not so proud of! lol) is that I have always felt confident in raising spirited children that have no problem with standing up for themselves and feeling deserving of happiness. And while I believe that this is true inside our home and with each other as a family, I have recently been awoken to the fact that it’s not always so true out in the real world. How our children act inside the home will not necessarily be the same as when they walk out the door.

Recently a new boy moved into the neighborhood who is two years older than my twins. Well, it didn’t take long for my son to go crazy because now has a new friend that he can ride his scooter with and find some fun with other than his same old boring sister. And while I am also happy that he has a new friend, there’s a certain fear I have as a parent when I see my son getting so excited and dependent on this new kid in town.

Sure enough as I watch over and listen as they are playing, I hear the boy telling my son what to do and not speaking to him in a nice manner. I also see some other things that I’m not happy with and feel the need to call my kids in for a time out. As a mom, you don’t want nor even know exactly how to tell your five-year-old’s to not take any crap from someone. But as I do my best, my son responds with a great sadness and says if I say that, then he won’t be my friend. “I don’t want to be mean.” What my son isn’t realizing at the time is that his friend has been mean to him and taken advantage of him without him even recognizing it.

I’ve realized just through this small situation how important it is for us to give our children freedom outside the home so that they can learn and grow outside where they will confront real life problems and we can actually monitor it before they do walk out into the real world at eighteen. The disease to please and peer pressure doesn’t just pertain to girls and women but also boys and men and unfortunately too often they can’t recognize it, much less stand up and do anything about it. That’s where we need to come into the picture.