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Do Step-Parent’s Get Enough Credit?
I’m sure the answer would probably be related to whatever side of the fence you are on with this one, however I did find it to be an interesting enough topic to throw out there. I read a lot on the net and often on message boards where topics on parenting like this come up. One particular had to do with moms who are sharing their parenting role with a step-parent. Usually you get one extreme or the other on this. You get the biological parent who either hates the role of the step-parent in their child’s life or one who is grateful for it.
I would say that most of this probably has to do with the circumstances surrounding the split of the biological parents. If you weren’t happy about that, then I doubt you would be happy about anything to follow. And let’s face it, many parents really don’t want to give up their seat at the steering wheel…often not even to the other parent, much less an unknown person that the other parent just happens to choose. I’m sure other factors come into play as well such as the character and qualities of the step-parent and whether the biological parent is okay with those or has issues with them.
But just say that step-parent makes the grade in those areas. Do they get enough credit or the short end when it comes to their role? I guess my first response and most honest answer would be this. The answer is yes, more than likely the step-parent will never get the fame nor the glory that a biological parent gets (no matter how lacking even a biological parent may seem). So while I could definitely understand the frustration of the step-parent who feels blacklisted by the biological parent and often under-appreciated in the overall situation, it doesn’t come without reason.
First and foremost, their are simply a whole lotta props that go out to the biological parent for just spreading their DNA. Right, wrong, fair or not, it’s just the way it is. Second reason is that the role was given not because you sought it out like if you were to adopt a child, but because you signed up for a whole package when you signed up for the relationship with the other parent. So even in the most extreme cases where a child has possibly even been abandoned by their biological parent, there’s always the flag that waves (a.k.a. relationship with parent) that signals a reminder to why you are even in the child’s life in the first place. Last but not least is the permanency of the relationship of step-parent. There’s only certain years that an unknown person can come in and really bond with a child (usually that would be when they are young).
However, even during those years (especially after possibly experiencing divorce of their parents) a child could be cautious with reason to become attached to another person outside of their comfort zone. And often the relationship with the step-parent is contingent with the relationship with the other parent. So unless the child is older and going into adulthood, there is the likely hood that the relationship could be temporary.
So while I think that some step-parent’s can be a positive in a child’s life and do as much if not more so for a child than a biological parent, it can be a role that doesn’t come with much reward. I personally always knew that the role wasn’t for me and although I love my own children dearly enough to put up with all of the headaches they can give, I knew I would never be able to do so for someone else’s child unless it was a fostering or adoption situation. But that’s just me and my take.
There is a suggestion of truth here.