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First Time Mom’s
I was the first time mom at one point, many moons ago! My oldest is soon to be 12 and even though it has been a long time since I started the journey of being a mother, I can clearly remember those first few years of his life like they were yesterday.
There is definitely something special about bringing a child into the world and knowing that you will help to shape and mold their life. However the flip side is all of the responsibility that you can easily take on with that. There’s also the side that comes when you begin to see the mistakes that you made and it can easily cause you to question your decisions.
I know that men have been stepping up to the plate more and more to take on more responsibility as a parent due to women taking more responsibility on out in the work force. However, there still seems to be a common thread woven into the quilt of parenthood which is that many new mom’s automatically give up everything and completely change their lives for their new baby. I’m starting to think that there should be a surgeon general’s warning on parenthood that cautions against this.
I guess because I experienced it all first hand. While I didn’t love pregnancy with my first (I was completely ill the first 7 months), once my first son got here, you might as well have changed my name to his. Actually, I did have a license plate with his name on it! lol. That sort of shows you how in love with my new baby I was. And while I do think that the attention and love that he got in those first years was good for him, I also know that there were some downsides that came from it as well.
One of the first downsides that started to rear it’s ugly head was that when he was three, my appendix ruptured. I know that being a mother didn’t cause this! But I do know that the stress on my body from the pregnancy and this new life change, could have helped to push it along.
I also began to suffer from depression. After the first few birthdays and Christmas’ came and went, I began to realize that my existence was almost for the sole purpose of caring for him. While I did work and still had a few friends, there was a lot of my former self and life missing. I was constantly tired from doing nothing but working and being a mom and it all began to affect my relationship with his father as well. Later we separated and life became even more difficult to juggle due to being able to put a little more of myself back into my life, yet still needing to be the loving and doting mom that I once was. Actually it all seemed a little impossible.
The last piece of the pie that I noticed from him not only being an only child for so long but also always getting my undivided attention is that now it is much harder for him to handle sharing me with his brother and sister. He spends a lot of energy competing with them and while I find his behavior to be childish and annoying at times, I also feel partially responsible due to the fact that I did give up so much of myself to him at one time. I simply no longer have it to give. As they say, life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.
So while I see nothing wrong with mother’s doting on their children or boasting about how proud they are of them, I often wonder how many of them are going to regret some of it down the line? I’ve always thought that both the male and female have so much to learn from each other including in the parenting department. Men, yes, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to put the remote down, forget a few friends, pick up your kid and spend some special one on one time with them. Women, it wouldn’t hurt to put the kid down, pick up the remote, remember a girlfriend or two and remember who you were before you had the kid. You might actually miss and need her again one day.
This blog really brought me all these memories back. Really appreciated it.
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