Sounds like an interesting term huh? Reminds me of one of my favorite shows that didn’t stay on air long enough…Cashmere Mafia. Guess it’s not too far from the mommy wars term (however I think that mostly refers to the big work outside and stay at home debate), but this is what one mom used to refer to the rivalry between moms and their silent and sometimes not so silent judgment’s on all levels.

I guess I’ve never really fallen victim to this notion because one, men are rarely judged on their parenting skills which I never found to be fair and two I didn’t grow up with the intention of ever winning any mother of the year awards. I guess those are usually reserved for the more competitive population that often competed with each other back in high school as well.

Do I love my children and often enjoy taking care of them, yes. But do I run around town with so in so’s mom tagged on the back of my license plate, or feel that my self-worth is determined by my abilities as a mother, no. And while I do think that the role of parent needs to be taken way more seriously and deserves way more respect than what it gets, I don’t feel that by us mom’s doing so is the way in which it will get there.

I’m not totally clueless as to how things work though. Most pressure falls in line from other mother’s that are in your own friend and family network. Maybe it’s that aunt that doesn’t quite understand how you can put your children in daycare or share custody with their dad? Maybe it’s the friend that is secretly jealous because you hired a live in nanny but disguises it by telling you how she just couldn’t imagine letting someone else rock her child to sleep.

Let’s face it. These small digs and wars aren’t limited to women who have the title of mom. Unfortunately women in general have this nagging tendency to pull each other down, and this is the arena in which we need the most support. Imagine if sports players spent more time critiquing and grading each other out on the field, rather than working with their strengths and weaknesses in order to focus on and win the game. There’s no big mystery why these score cards don’t work very well or get us very far when it comes to accomplishing a greater than life task. So the next time we grade ourselves, our friend or our neighbor, we probably need to ask ourselves if it’s really necessary or just a total waste of energy.