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The Imperfect Parent
I think too often as parent’s we can easily carry around the weight of the world on our shoulders in order to hide who we truly are by hiding what we feel and what we are going through. As a parent we feel the need to protect our children from certain things, which often includes protecting them from our own imperfections and failings. In the end, they are simply not realistic standards for ourselves and rob our children of a certain understanding and empathy that they really need to be okay and happy. When life throws us curve balls like parent’s dying, losing our job or a failed marriage then there has to be a healthy way to cope in front of our children.
I’m sure the number of times I’ve cried in front of my children could be counted on one hand. As their mother who wants to allow them to be children for as long as they can, I want to shield them from real life situations. But does this help or hurt them as they grow and will also eventually face the same difficulties and challenges? Isn’t it our lack of communication with our children what prevents them from understanding us and therefore they harbor feelings of guilt and insecurity? In the end, there’s no way to truly protect your children from real life, because no matter how hard we may try to hide the things in life that we experience from our children, they will feel what we feel to a large degree.
Fortunately my children are finally at an age, where I feel I can take back some type of power by talking to them about circumstances. I feel more able to let down my guard, my super mom mask and show them life’s imperfections as well as my own. I can help them cope by helping them understand that there’s nothing wrong with crying and being weak sometimes. It just means that I am human, so are they and that things will still be okay. It’s part of what we all experience as humans. Ultimately I am no different then they are, only I just happen to be in a larger body and seem to carry more weight. However some of that seems to come off when I can connect with them by talking to them and for them know who I really am by what I think and feel…good, bad and/or indifferent.
I’m sure the number of times I’ve cried in front of my children could be counted on one hand