Not sure how this post turned into such a long one, but it’s a great parenting topic, so…“Do As I Say, Not As I Did”, these are the words of Sarah Palin that I saw flashing across my television screen yesterday as they were having the hot topic of abstinence.

My thoughts…are you kidding me, did this actually come out of her mouth? I’m still hoping I misread this somehow. Is there any surprise that her daughter got pregnant while still in high school?

Let me break this down for people who’s heads are off in la la land or who are just a little lost. If you want your children to be abstinent, you must first teach it. Most parents aren’t into abstinence, thus equals child, so the whole equation obviously is a little tricky.

How do we teach and lead our children, by example. You can tell your child to not do something 10,000 times, but in their minds if you do it, so can they! And the bottom line is, if you are off on a political campaign trail somewhere or busy shooting moose, that teenager is probably busy doing something else also. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out this stuff. And we are actually trying to leave it to schools or the public to promote and teach abstinence? Seriously

Don’t get me wrong. I think that abstinence is a great…not only great, but obviously the only answer to preventing STD’s & unwanted pregnancies. However prevention starts way before a child decides whether or not to have sex.

How is the child raised, where is the child being raised? Who are the babies having babies? They are the ones that are not only not being educated about how to prevent the unwanted consequences of having sex, but they are the ones that don’t have two fully involved parents and the support they need to make the decision to be abstinent. They don’t have supervision. They are bored. They are looking to feel loved. They possibly live out in a cow pasture with no fun in life other than the excitement that comes from Johnny asking them out to an upcoming dance on Friday night.

Sometimes they are the ones that just have to grow through their issues in order to wake up one day and decide that having sex irresponsibly is just not for them. Whoever these kids are that are not practicing safe sex really doesn’t matter - the only thing that matters is that there is a population of children that will have sex, regardless of whether they hear some stranger or even their parent telling them about sex and how to have it.

So what do we do in the meantime? We teach abstinence first, but condoms and great precaution second. We educate, educate, educate and allow all children to see and experience the consequences. I just love those pretend babies that you have to change, burp and feed or they cry. Why isn’t it that every child carries one of those around for 6 months? The Hogans (reality show with Hulk Hogan in it) made their son carry one around, I thought it was fabulous. Too bad they weren’t so responsible with their kid in other areas.

Sit down with your children and actually show them what would happen to their bank account if they were to have a child. I know many adults don’t begin to see that until the baby is already born. Have them actually begin to center their life around this human being so that they see how much their life changes after having a child. Instill the fear of God in them. Make them want to puke when they think about having a child or an STD…and then you will see a generation of young people who will have sex responsibly.

I don’t have the answers for my own kids. I’m not sure that I expect abstinence, but I do know that there are certain things that simply won’t be options for my children as long as I am supporting them. Those things will include pregnancy, disease, and the emotional consequences of having sex too young. They will be educated, know my position and if they choose to make certain decisions that lead in the wrong directions, their life will be miserable during and after those decisions as long as they are under my roof.

I plan on doing my best to keep my children active in sports and interests other than sex and drugs. I plan on communicating honestly about myself and my views. I plan on creating stiff consequences and thoroughly discussing the ones that can be created by their actions so they are fully aware. I plan on also advising them of the other ways to stay safe if they do indeed choose to have sex…realizing that even in my best efforts as a parent, they still may choose to do so.

So while I think that abstinence is a great message and could be a realistic option for some kids, it’s not for all of them. As parents we need to be aware of our abilities, limitations and find our own way of handling these issues with our children and use the resources we each have individually. Ultimately we must set examples of no tolerance for ourselves and for our children concerning issues that we simply don’t want to exist in their and our own lives through careless choice. Some doors and options just shouldn’t be open for our kids and we should fully make them aware of that. After that, it’s out of our hands and into theirs. We just should be able to sleep at night knowing that we have done all we can to prepare them for that aspect of life.