I guess this post will be a personal one concerning my recent experience that has left me still in a little state of shock. While I tend to be non-dramatic, very dry and often emotionless (also referred to as “not normal” by a close friend of mine), I must say that this one has thrown even myself for an unexpected loop. While I have not shed any official tears, I’m still aware of how impacted I feel by all of this.

Basically I went from being a close to 31-year-old woman that did not believe the word father would ever exist in her vocabulary, to one where now it does. My father does exist. I didn’t come from one woman and a big black hole of nothing. By golly, there is actually another being that is still living that helped to create me.

It’s that phone call and meeting that you never really thought would happen. I can try to minimize my thoughts and feelings about it in order to shield myself from any possible hurt or disappointment, but the fact of the matter is…I am exposed. I actually am human after all, and for whatever reason at this point in my life, I chose to seek out the name, age and location that was wrote on a scrap piece of paper and given to me by my mother almost 4 yrs ago at the age of 26. It took a few additional pushes from her, a few times fiddling on the internet under a few people searches and a few moments of having rental balls that only someone partially insane could have.

I jotted down the address, wrote a very sincere yet straight to the point letter, mailed it and thought nothing about it until the next evening when I received a phone call from the unknown man that was actually the other have of my genetic make-up. And while I know that there are people out there every day that say they are successful and happy without knowing fully where they came from and feeling good about it, I happened to feel afterwards that whoever says that is probably full of it.

And so in the next few hours while I spoke with him and his wife of almost 30 years, I uncovered a little of who my actual father was, rather than continued living with the illusions my mother had given me over the years. He would share his memory of my mother and with a few emailed photos of his younger days, he would confirm without a DNA test that he indeed was my father.

After two days and phone calls made to some who are still probably thinking about this life altering discovery of mine, I’m still trying to sift through the experience and figure out what it really means for me.

I am looking forward to meeting him and my other side that has welcomed me with open arms in a few days, however the main thing that needed to happen in my life has already happened. I have gone from a girl to a woman that had no father, to one that now does. He has a name, face, personality and even what seems to be some room in his life for me at this point. I went from only having one side, to two, that includes a brother as well. It has helped remind me that just as death can knock at your door on any given day, so can life in all types of packages.

Disclosure: This experience could have ended very differently for me. I am fully aware of this therefore recommend using extreme caution and being fully prepared for any outcome if you do indeed seek out an unknown parent in your own life.