It’s not uncommon for a couple to be married for quite a few years before they have children. During that time, they are happily living their lives day in day out, enjoying each other and their time together. Then all of a sudden one or both decides that they want to have a child. Maybe it’s the biological clock, maybe family pressure, maybe a yearning for more in life…whatever they reason, they have a child.

While some young parents allow the addition to compliment their lives together, others allow the child to take over. Where once there was living space, there are now walkers and talking Elmo’s. Where there used to be time spent lounging, there is only time for running around feeding, cuddling and playing. Once there was a need for an alarm that is now no longer necessary. There are no longer romantic weekend getaways, only weekends spent on the internet figuring out why little Tommy’s tooth hasn’t came in yet or scrapbooking his life.

You see where I’m going with this right? And yes, usually it’s the mom that is guilty of this automatic trade off. She trade’s off her wants and needs along with her partner’s to now solely focus on the ones of the child. Maybe it’s instinctive, maybe it’s inherited from her own mother’s behaviors…whatever the case may be, it doesn’t leave much room for anything else in life.

For years, we have viewed this type of parenting as a positive thing. It’s the “good mother” syndrome. It’s the woman who sacrifices everything for her children with a mop in one hand and an extra-curricular calendar in another. Selfish is not in her vocabulary when it comes to her children. In some respect she is held in the highest regard, yet somewhere else she is silently stomped on like a the back door rug. Some end up with so much invested in the role of mother (gotta love those “So in so’s Mom” license plates!) and have lost so much of the person they once were that even when the child turns into an adult and they still can’t let go. Low and behold for some reason they end up on Dr. Phil with the lovely title of the “meddling mother”.

But wasn’t that the way they were supposed to be? Wasn’t their behavior smiled upon at some point? Maybe it was in the days before asking for help is seen as a necessary strength and balance is becoming more common in a woman’s vocabulary.

There will probably always be the “super moms” that continue to define themselves by the children they have just like men who define themselves through the money they make. However just like men’s roles in that aspect are changing, fortunately so is the mom role. Women are waking up to the neglect of themselves, their lives and other relationships in their life due to years of being taught that sacrificing everything for their children somehow makes the a martyr or mother Theresa. It seems in the process of putting their children first, that they are losing themselves…the one thing that their children need to see the most.