You may think that this post is going to be about the loss of a child through death, but it’s not. It’s about the loss of a child through shared custody. With my oldest son, I only get him every other weekend. His father & I live an hour from each other, and my twins are rooted where I’m at currently.

The first years of his life I was able to be with him every day. It wasn’t until he was older that I became pregnant with the twins and needed to move. It was difficult, but I had & still have my hands full with the younger twins. Of course there are still moments where I miss him and phone calls can’t replace daily presence. It’s hard. It’s hard for him, it’s hard for me. However, even with this life situation, I do find some positives like even the extra time and energy.

Every parent experiences these moments when they wake up one day and realize that their child has grown overnight, but it’s particularly difficult when they have done so and you haven’t been able to be there every step of the way.

There’s a great loss of control. You realize that other people’s values and energy are helping to determine who your child will be, even if it’s someone you help to choose. You experience feeling that you have missed out on a lot of the enjoyment that being a parent has to offer.

I guess at the end of the day, the way that I choose to look at it is that when I do have the kids, I will make it a point to be more present and everything else can go by the waste side. You definitely don’t take the time you do have as much for granted. I make it a point to think about them when they are not with me and still do even small things like regular phone calls and making special plans when he is here.

Cards sometimes fall differently than you plan. Everyone’s parenting experience is certainly not the same and none of us know how being a parent will affect our lives or will turn out. It’s all a risk and when there are other people involved in any situation in life, you can never predict the outcome. You can only do the best that life’s situation’s allow you to and try to remember that no one is promised anything in this life, so enjoy everything while you have it.