I guess this is a subject that ranges anywhere from widely discussed to almost taboo or denied in this day and time…depending on who you are talking to.

There was a notion that women stayed in marriages and relationships in the past for important things like children and financial security. There is a notion now that women have came far enough to no longer need a man or relationship for these things, so happiness is the number one priority.

In my opinion, ultimately I don’t believe things have changed as much as we would like to believe, or that the change is even really all that necessary.

I used to be one of those young girls who said I would never stay in a marriage or relationship if I was not happy with that person, regardless of the amount of children. I saw women in my family who stayed “for the sake of the children” or financial security in marriages that they may not have otherwise stayed in. I said that would never be me.

However, there is also another side to this coin. As I have gotten older, I realize that happiness doesn’t lie in a relationship in the first place. I have realized that a lot of people’s misery in marriages and in relationships is felt when they are looking more at the other person than they are themselves.

And while I would never suggest someone stay in a relationship where they are being abused (without doing any abusing ) or in a hostile environment, I do say that when you have children, it’s not only your happiness anymore. Even if/when your husband or partner is an insensitive jerk or you feel like you may have grown apart , there is still a lot of value in the old saying of staying for the sake of the kids. In the process, there may actually be some personal growth.

I am not saying that I will not possibly move on to another relationship in the future if I feel that the time is right for me to move in a different direction. But I do think that when it comes to having children with someone, when you are mature, you do realize what is at stake and make decisions a lot slower and wiser.

So while we have made progress from feeling that we “have to stay for the children”, we can also give credit to those who have made a conscious decision to stay with a partner or parent even without the feeling of having to. Just as there is a time to go, there is a time to stay and it doesn’t hurt if it helps raise some youngin’s!

What do you think about staying for the sake of the children?