I can understand your point. Some adults are rude, obnoxious, and they don’t deserve respect. However, there may come a time when a “random adult” gives your child potentially helpful (and polite) instruction such as “tie your shoe so you won’t fall,” or politely asks them to stop an action that can be harmful. If they don’t listen, they might hurt themselves. I’ve seen this happen first hand. My family runs a daycare, and some children adopt a “you can’t tell me what to do attitude.” They don’t know when to draw the line. In turn, they don’t listen to any adult.

I agree and you said that much more eloquently then I would have.

The problem is that people equate respect with esteem and holding someone in high regard. They aren’t the same thing. Esteem is something you earn, respect is something that every human being should have for every other human being.

That’s why there are so many nasty, foul, and inconsiderate people in the world today because of that “I don’t know you, you have to earn my respect” sort of attitude.

Maybe I am thinking esteem. Hmm, maybe I’m thinking OBEDIENCE. I’m not sure, check this out:
plato.stanford.edu/entries/respect/#EleRes

Valencia, I’m trying to think of a time when that’s happened…and it hasn’t, because they are so young still that a trusted adult is ALWAYS with them, directing those interactions, and giving them hints (verbal/body language) that this is an adult worthy of respect. (IE: “Oh my gosh. You’re shoe IS untied! Thank you so much sir!)

This would need to be adjusted when they are older and more out in the world on their own. I would assume the interactions they witness with me now will provide an example/hints/clues for them to follow later when they have to make the call themselves.

I do think it’s a set up for failure.

You’ll find that other parents expect children to behave like children and to understand that they are not in charge.

You’ll also find that children who are raised like you’re describing will fail in school because their teachers won’t like them.

Further, your children will be insecure. Children thrive with boundaries and you’re doing them a great disservice by not providing boundaries.

Sorry to be so disagreeable but this really caught my eye and since my kids are in grade school I’m seeing a lot of kids who have been raised in households where they share in decision making and they are no longer welcome in a whole host of homes.

It must be a very lonely existence.

Umm? Why aren’t my comments coming through?

Trying again:
@Valencia, in that situation, my children would be with a trusted adult, and so the verbal interaction and body language of the trusted adult would tell the kid that the helpful adult is worthy of respect. My children are never alone at this point, but I could see this as a problem in the future when they are older and likely to have to make those judgements on their own.
@DJ: Maybe I did mean esteem. Or maybe I am thinking more of blind obedience. I’m not sure though that children should automatically respect adults just cause they are adults.
@Sue- That’s ok, the post is made to be disagreeable. Teachers quickly EARN respect within one or two interactions- ie that first parent/teacher meeting on the first day of school, etc.

I’m with you 100% and I’ve received criticism over it. Just because a person is an adult does not mean they deserve your respect or trust. For all you know that person is a psycho ax murder.

I do for the most part expect my kids to be polite and courteous, but I don’t need some random person telling my kid what to do or that they are doing something wrong.

I’ve met adults that behave worse than any toddler on the planet. Why should my child have respect for these people just because of their age?

I’m not looking for or teaching my kids to be disrespectful, but teaching them that respect is a valuable thing that you give to another person.

Not listening to any adult as given in the previous comment example seems drastic and extreme. But, all kids are different. My kids have boundaries and know how to behave and when based on the situation.

Thanks for your comments Loretta. I do have a certain kind of person in mind when I think of this. For example, my kids were on a play place at a store (a playground wihtin a stire). An older man walked by the playplace and rudely told my daughter to get off the roof of the playplace house and did a tsk tsk tsk sound. She blew him off. The man had no right to tell my daughter what to do, and I am glad that she didn’t listen to him just because he had 60 years on her…..know why? The play place house had a LADDER to the roof on the side away from this random old guy. What the heck? Thinking “wow, that kid could get hurt, I will walk over there and speak with her” would have been the right thing for him to do, had he been feeling helpful and being respectful himself. Instead, he was a rude jerk, and my child had every right to ignore his directive. She immediately looked at me for direction, instead of listening to Mr. Random. That’s what I want. I am in charge of my children. Their behavior and safety is my responsibility first. I used the opportunity to teach her a lesson about his PERCEPTIONS and taught her that the best thing to do is sometimes nothing.